🗣 they/them/their

Examples

Delta lives in Canada with their partner.
I sat next to them at lunch.
I thought the taco was mine, but it was actually theirs.
Thankfully, they didn’t mind.
They care a lot about people other than themself.

Context

The first time I heard about people using they/them pronouns as a gender-neutral alternative to he/him or she/her, I didn’t understand. My teachers convinced me that singular they was an incorrect grammar construct. It was hard for me to accept until I learned more about how language changes over time, and until one of my close friends began using they/them pronouns.

In Spring 2018, I met other non-binary and trans folks at the Recurse Center, who asked if I wanted them to try referring to me with they/them pronouns. Throughout my life I felt disconnected to the culture and assumptions around being a girl or woman, so shifting away from feminine pronouns felt right.

My partner, circles of friends, and people who work with me all refer to me with they/them pronouns. It sticks out when people don’t use them, and it causes me to overthink how I present myself publicly. Please consider she/her pronouns deprecated — my pronouns are they/them.

I’m not offended when mistakes are made, but it’s unlikely that I’ll correct anyone. I don’t need people to police others’ language on my behalf, but I appreciate the gentle reminders people have given each other to make my life a little easier. It’s totally okay to mess up while you’re getting used to it — catching yourself in the process still signals to me that you care. What makes me uncomfortable is prolonged usage of the wrong pronouns.

Thank you!