D Pham

I live in Ottawa, Canada on unceded Anishinaabe territory
I like to make things: programs, art, silly jokes
I'm constantly learning

About my pronouns

Examples

D lives in Canada with their partner.
I sat next to them at lunch.
I thought the taco was mine, but it was actually theirs.
Thankfully, they didn’t mind.
They care about people other than themselves/themself.

Context

The first time I heard about people using they/them pronouns as a gender-neutral alternative to he/him or she/her, I didn’t understand. My teachers convinced me that singular they was an incorrect grammar construct. It was hard for me to accept until I learned more about how language changes over time, and until one of my close friends began using they/them pronouns.

In Spring 2018, I met other non-binary and trans folks at the Recurse Center, who asked if I wanted them to try referring to me with they/them pronouns. Throughout my life I felt disconnected to the culture and assumptions around being a girl or woman, so shifting away from feminine pronouns felt right.

My partner, circles of friends, and people who work with me all refer to me with they/them pronouns. It sticks out when people don’t use them, and it causes me to overthink how I present myself publicly. Please consider she/her pronouns deprecated — my pronouns are they/them.

I’m not offended when mistakes are made, but it’s unlikely that I’ll correct anyone. I don’t need people to police others’ language on my behalf, but I appreciate the gentle reminders people have given each other to make my life a little easier. It’s totally okay to mess up while you’re getting used to it — catching yourself in the process still signals to me that you care. What makes me uncomfortable is prolonged usage of the wrong pronouns.

Thank you!

Please feel free to say hello if you'd like to chat!