I change over time.

My mother named me Danielle

My mother, a Roman Catholic, phoned a friend and chose Danielle, the feminine version of the biblical Hebrew name, Daniel. Daniel means “God is my judge,” and in his story he survived in a lion’s den and didn’t abandon his trust in God.

I don’t believe in God, so maybe I don’t think anyone should judge me and expect to get any value out of it. What aspects of me are they judging? I change over time.

Deadnames

I’m not speaking on behalf of other trans people, who very often have valid reasons for not wanting to be deadnamed.

I’d like to accept my younger self, who was assigned female at birth, socialized as a girl, and referred to as Danielle (or Danii/Dani to different people at different times). Danielle didn’t have the language to describe gender dysphoria, didn’t find representation, and didn’t have the space to experiment until adulthood.

D was a placeholder

It actually started as d because I felt more like a lowercase person until I confronted myself about my ideas of self-worth. Then I became D. I was mainly aiming to remove gender from my name to reduce the chances of people making assumptions about my femininity before attempting to get to know me.

Some people and software systems were confused, and didn’t consider D to be a valid name. I received UPS packages where the sender had to double the D. Who decided that a first name requires a length of at least two Latin characters?

I knew I wasn’t going to be D forever, I just didn’t know what name I felt connected to, so I waited.

Time

My brain was still active after finishing Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong. I thought about the impending name collision when my coworker Di would return from parental leave. After thinking of a handful of options, Delta came to me, and I felt a moment of pure gender euphoria and excitement.

Delta represents change

I read Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler, in which Lauren Olamina writes, “God is change.” Again, I don’t believe in God, but I do have my own way of connecting to something beyond myself.

The universe is vastly complex: creative, destructive, transformative. I believe I came to exist by coincidence, by some particular circumstances governed by the nature of physics and entropy. I am what I am through processes of evolution and adaptation of the human species over generations.

I’m also a math nerd, and triangles are tastier. Δ ■

You, me, and others

What if you still call me Danielle/Danii/Dani/D?

I don’t control your actions, and you can choose to do whatever you please, but not without consequences. I view the acceptance and use of my chosen name as an act of care. If I were to insist on calling you by a name you didn’t feel connected to after you’ve asked me not to, you might also feel disconnected from me.

Mistakes will happen, and they’re okay! Correcting yourself as soon as you realize, even when I’m not around, is also an act of care.

I’ve outgrown these names like old shoes. More recent ones might barely fit with some discomfort, but Danielle really feels like trying to put baby shoes on my big toes and expecting that to be good enough.

I will not be providing support for pre-release versions of mental models of me if you don’t want to update to the latest version.

Will I change my name officially?

Maybe. I just might do it all at once and string Coco on the end.

How can you help?

When you’re unsure if someone knows about my name when speaking about me, casually inform them before going on as usual:

{Danielle/Danii/Dani/D} changed their name to Delta.

Thank you!